Kevin.

Kevin Chia Wei Xuan.
He is my friend, good friend, best friend, brother.
He is an awesome guy. Made my life.

Sometimes it’s weird when you actually pit someone else’s life before yours. You rather have that person to be happy than you yourself be happy. I can spent my entire day trying to cheer that dude up there when he failed a test, when I made him angry. Well, maybe he had really became my biological little brother.

This time, I really want this friendship to last. Not like that last one. Heartbreaking.

Kev made a twitter account today. I forced him to. So that I can dedicate my 10000th tweet to him. Haha. Awesome!

Ajesome

I might not be the guy that has the best looks, the best body, the best brains. But I know that I treat certain people damn fucking well and I treat some like bullcrap. That’s because I am human, and because I am Xiankai.

Rage.

Personally. I do think that I am quite a calm person that doesn’t really associate well with rage. But as I get to know myself. I actually hold a lot of personal rage within my frozen heart.

Perhaps I always freeze those rage inside my heart and never show them to anyone. But somethings just sometimes activate my the fire within my heart to melt the frozen rage. And that is why sometimes I appear like I can kill someone without blinking.

There are some people that I really dislike. And no matter how people try to sugar coat them, I still can see that bitter side of them.

Well, it’s no easy to change me. But it’s still possible.

Ajesome. 

Sorry.

Hey kev, I really am sorry.

Today was pretty fine until I made kev upset.
Although the sudden reminder of Bellamy kind of bought my mood a little low. But I guess I will survive it. It’s a reminder for me not to waste more time.

Sudden crave for paper cranes. Had been folding them in class. I am very superstitious. I believe that you cannot dispose a paper crane you folded if not you’ll have like bad luck :/

Ajesome.

Cherish.

It’s hard to know that sometimes people just don’t give a damn to your existence on this planet. But everyone, will have someone that they care so much about. That they can really give up the last of their lives just to make that person happy. And I am sure, each and everyone here have that someone that cares as much as you care about someone.

My mental and emotional volume is decreasing nowadays. I just can’t seem to bottle up more emotions. I used to be able to bottle up tons of emotions and feelings and survive through them. But now, just a little set back and I can totally fall hard. I am supposed to improve aren’t I?

Head had been spinning more feq nowadays. Called the hospital but they have no earlier appts than April. So guess that I have to bare with it.

I really want to know what’s happening to me so I can finally put my heart to rest. One of my friends told me that one of her friend is having a cancerous brain tumor that started off with having problems balancing and such. Real worried for myself now. Last time, we might all think that we will never be that lucky to get all these terminal illnesses. But really, you never know. It will strike someone. And how sure are you that it might not be you? I have to mentally prepare myself though. But I know nothing will happen.

Actually sometimes, do you guys have the thought of getting some illnesses and seeing who actually cares for you and even after you die, will shed a tear for you? Well, I have.

But life’s most precious. And we have to cherish hard. Thoughts can happen. But we must try our best to not wish that they actually happen.

Everyone has to stay strong and survive. Because, there is someone out there that cares. And it’s not fair to them of we just leave without trying to stay.

From now on. I will try to do everything with love. With all my ♥, to the best of my abilities.

“Straight as the arrow flys, I will run towards the finish line.”
“I will go the distance just to reach the arms I’m running to.”
The extra mile – Laura Pausini

ΔJΣSΩMΣ.†

Life is precious.

The quote “life is precious” used to never ever bother me in life at all. But now, this quote has a whole new meaning to it.

Last Friday, mr tank shared with us a story about his cousin. His 15, soon to be 16 cousin passed away on february 14. He died dued a relatively rare type of cancer, muscle cancer.
This struck me real hard. It has since been etched in my head. Bellamy is a really brave kid that tried his very best to fight that devilish illness that chose him. He smiled although he felt the pain. And even before he pass on, he still remembered his classmates.

Life is really precious. You will never know when life will end for you and your loved ones. So, cherish life real hard. Stop wasting time unnecessarily. Ever since, I have been trying my best not to waste any time in life. But desires can sometimes be a real bitch. It takes over you and makes you does things that sometimes waste away loads of time.

Like what mr tank said, having full control of your own life is really a blessing.

We now have all the time in the world, but we don’t cherish. For those who wants more time, they never get it. Life’s unfair perhaps. But that’s life, and we have to accept it.

Bellamy has really changed my mindset in life, and I really thank this experience for that. You have my deepest respect Bellamy. Your courage to live one and love for your family and friends is indescribable.

Above is the motivation wall I made. It’s to constantly remind me that there’re a lot of people in my life that needs to cherished before it’s too late. I am loved.

To end this post, I really want to say this:
My heart truly goes out to all of Bellamy’s family and friends. I can never feel the kind of pain that you guys are feeling, but I definitely felt the pain when I heard about his story. Please live on with courage and take care.

Rest in peace Bellamy, you’ll be remembered.

Ajesome.

Drained.

Hey world. Ever felt like you over drained yourself. Way beyond your abilities sometimes?

Like doing 5 things when you’re only required to only do 1? Ever felt that everything that you do is for their own good but they are all just treating it like trash? Ever got a partner that you trusted so much but he just disappoints you over and over again? Ever experience that you just wanna finish this asap and leave without leaving a trace behind?

I felt all of that. And trust me, that feeling sucks like hell. I have tried so so so hard in bringing the mc up. Into not only a committee that serves excellent leadership skills but also socialing skills. I tried so freaking hard to make them learn. But none of them cared. Even the vice chairperson of the committee just plays a fool out of everything.

Disappointing shit. Pure heartache.

Ajesome.

Fire.

Hey guyyyyyyyys! Didn’t blog for the entire weekend so i thought that it would be nice to blog. Hahahah.

Exams are round the corner and yea, i am nervous. But the rewards that comes after it is motivating. The Brisbane trip’s 1, but what comes after that is way better. It’s the camps and more camps! The coming camp is the PSL camp where i might become PC. Hmmmmm, i would really want to stay as a PSL for sec 2 camp next year. Bet that i would really miss 1hum :/ yea, PSL for sec 2 camp!

Well, back to the motivations.
The fire for studying will definitely come. But it always comes so last minute that sometimes it just doesn’t show it’s full potential. And sometimes it’s really saddening. Haiiiiiyooooo.
What’s good is that now I have finally laid down my future and what I wanna be. I will really go for aviation. My passion for the PLANE in particular really driven me to an airline career. For example, being a pilot has always been my dreamjob. Like D R E A M J O B. But being an air steward isn’t that bad either. Hahha. In case I fail as a pilot, I WILL strive to be an air steward. Really. University degree for me now isn’t that important. As I think that passion and interest is way more important then how much you really earn. Well it depends on the amount difference actually. Hahaha.

So ya. I am currently striving for Temasek Poly’s Aerospace Management & Services Diploma. The lesson outline and what it teaches is really what is to my interest. But the horrifying thing is that the current COP is 11 :/ 13 points is pretty hard to archive in ‘O’s ya? :/ Well, gotta really work hard and STRIVE FULLY FOR IT!!

Wish me luck!

Ajesome.

No, he is not gone.

Today’s was Mr Lim’s cremation. The sec 3s set off for Mandai Crematorium with Mr Tank right after our maths common test. It is my 1st ever time being there.

Mr Lim’s last service really made me understood a lot of life principles that i misunderstood in life. During the service, they pulled out the 2 booklets that the students made for Mr Lim and read out one of the messages. Every single word was true. Mr Lim’s dedication to his students are just beyond words to describe. He touched many student’s lives and taught many of us not just music, but principles of life. I teared. I tried to stay strong but the tears just started rolling down my cheeks.

After the service, everyone was directed to the viewing hall where we watched Mr Lim’s body being sent into the furnace. It was Mr Lim’s last journey and I am happy to be there to send him off. It was indeed one of the most saddening parts of my life. But it also taught me that I have to stay strong no matter what happens in life. Every single himb student misses Mr Lim dearly.

I truly and sincerely wish Mr Lim’s family goodluck and take care.

And to all my beloved himb siblings, this might be a really tough time. But as long as we stay together, united, we can past this tough period of life. Amen.

You will be etched in our hearts and never be gone.

Life is never too long, and nothing is too tough for us to end our lives. Cherish hard.

Ajesome.

Life.

Life can sometimes be such a freaking pain the ass. Life can also be blissful. It all rounds up to who you’re with and what you’re doing.

But for everything we do, be it prolonging our lives or ending our lives, we must know that life is never too long. Never too long to say I am tired of living. Because once you’re dead, you’ll know that you have things that you might have want to accomplish but you didn’t.

Well, the whole point of me posting all these weird sounding things is cause i went to Mr Lim’s wake again this afternoon. Seeing him again laying inside the dreambed was just, saddening.

Today, we met Mr Lim’s children. 2 of the 3 children he had. Well all of them said that he lived healthily. His sisters even said that she had never seen someone so fond of life that he wants to live till a 100.

The band all know that Mr Lim definitely with no doubt at all is a great man, instructor and i bet a great father and brother.

The band is truly really being bought down by this real tragic news.

The sec 3s were really affect by it. So we actually really wanna send him off his last journey, we asked for permission from the office and actually applied leave for Mr Lim’s cremation tomorrow morning. Well i bet tomorrow will be a day of tears.

But i am pretty sure that Mr Lim wouldn’t want us to leave in tears because of him. I am sure that he wants us to live our lives happily and really love life like he did.

Well, i am going to love life and forget about all the thoughts of dying etc. Thinking back, that was plain freaking stupid.

Life might have a lot of obstacles but we’re all built to overcome it and not give in to it.

Mr Lim, you’ve definitely taught us a new value in life. And we thank you truly for that.

Mr Lim Tiat Seng, you’ll be missed dearly from the botton of our hearts.

May you rest in peace. Amen.

Ajesome.

Tears.

I woke up from my afternoon nap today with a tragic news. Mr Lim has passed away on the 18/09/2011. The band had only gotten to know yesterday.

I was on my way to get dinner when Xinhui called. After i hanged the phone, i rushed down to Mr Lim’s wake. When i was on the way, all i was thinking about was getting there as soon as possible. After arriving at the wake, I went over to see Mr Lim, it was a horrible moment of my life. I didn’t cry but i was really affected by it. After awhile, we decided to leave as it was getting late. Every student there went to pay their last respect to Mr Lim, we all surrounded by his coffin and said our last sentences to him in our hearts.

For me, I said: “Thank you Mr Lim, without you, I wouldn’t be playing the saxophone today.”
After that I said out, “Thank you Mr Lim.”. After saying that, my heart started to sink and tears soon started rolling down. It was really unbearable.

Mr Lim was such a humble instructor. When I joined band late during sec 1, he was my one to one instructor. Seriously speaking, without him, I would really totally have no idea on how to play the saxophone. He was the guy that started my music journey.

“When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change. Cause you’re amazing, just the way you’re.”

Right now, the only thing HIMB can do is to present Intrempol Musique’11 to Mr Lim perfectly.

Rest in peace, Mr Lim. You’ll be missed dearly.

Ajesome.